Illusions Fade
by xfalloutgirlx
Summary: [Jate oneshot]She always knew she loved him. Now it may be too late.


**Illusions Fade**

**-a Jate one-shot-**

**disclaimer: If I owned Lost, I would living on that damn island with Jack. But since I'm obviously not there, I don't own it. Which sucks. A lot.**

**A/n: i wrote this a long time ago but i just couldn't get myself to publish it. i think jate deserves more than this. but...its been sitting on my hard drive taunting me so i finally relented. its also an apology for not writing lately.**

**this is placed roughly after season 1. its slight AU as to their situation.**

**enjoy...**

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Kate walked down the long stretch of sand, lost in thought. They, the survivors of Flight 815, had been on the island for three months. Life had hit a normal rhythm, although normal was a relative term here.

It was past noon, the sun high in the clear blue sky. Kate's feet pulled her forward, back to the stretch of beach they called home. Rounding a patch of palm trees, she stopped, eyes watching the scene before her.

Her eyes easily fell on him, Jack, as he packed his backpack. Somehow, she was always drawn to him. It had been that way since the day she met him, when he had asked her to help him. She had been thrown off by his request, having long ago lost the feeling of someone trusting her.

And now, she trusted him. Without a doubt. And if she let her mind go, she knew she felt something more for him. Maybe even loved him. But she could never tell him, do anything about it. There would be too many questions. Too many answers.

Besides, she thought as she stepped toward him, he probably didn't even feel the same way.

She drew up alongside him, shading her eyes against the sun with her hand. "What are you doing?"

He looked up at her, squinting against the light as he smiled. "Hello to you too."

"Hi," she said, then waited a beat. "What are you doing?"

He laughed and she smiled, loving the sound. "Me, Sayid, and Charlie are going hunting. Everyone's getting a little sick of fish."

Kate nodded, confused at the feeling she was getting at his statement. It made her feel almost uneasy. "Well, I'll come with you."

Jack shook his head, fitting another water bottle into his pack. "You're not going anywhere with that hand."

Kate glanced at her left wrist, which was currently wrapped in a makeshift bandage. A product of her fall out of a tree. "It's fine."

Jack didn't answer at first, only giving her a look. "You need to rest it. Besides, we need someone to watch the camp. Who else is gonna do it? Sawyer?"

Kate sighed, looking down at the sand. After studying her feet for a minute she looked back up.

Watching as Jack shouldered his pack, she spoke quietly. "Just…be careful, okay?"

Jack smiled jokingly. "What? You worried about me?"

She held his gaze, face serious. "So what if I am?"

Jack's face lost its teasing manner as he realized the implications of her words. He had never imagined she would open up to him as she was doing now.

"I'll be back," he murmured quietly. "I promise."

Their eyes stayed on each other after his pledge, the air between them almost shimmering. In the back of her mind, Kate wondered if he was going to kiss her.

And it almost sent her running. Her confession had already been too much. But then she was saved from her decision as Sayid's voice drifted over them.

"Jack! Let's go!"

Jack smiled a little, turning around. "I'll be back."

Kate stood rooted to the spot as she watched Jack retreat into the trees with Charlie and Sayid. She felt relieved. If Sayid hadn't have called out when he did, she knew she would have kissed Jack. And she just couldn't do that.

She wouldn't.

The sun was setting on the island, all oranges and reds against the horizon. It was her favorite time of the day, when the sky set fire. It was one of the only things left in the world that she could see the beauty in.

She sat on the rocks near the bend in the beach, a couple hundred feet from the camp. She was here every night at this time, like clockwork. A few weeks ago, Jack had joined her here and they had started talking. Naming things they missed.

It had begun a sort of ritual for them, sitting here every night. They would always name some random thing about civilization they missed. She missed clean sheets and the sound of traffic. He missed coffee and his kitchen.

But he wasn't here tonight, his first sunset with her missed in over a month. For some reason, she was restless. Unable to sit still, not that she ever really did.

"Hey, they're back!"

Walt's voice broke over the beach and her head turned, smiling. But her smile dropped instantly as she saw Sayid and Charlie stumble out of the jungle. Sayid had his arm around Charlie, helping him walk as he limped.

Before she even realized it, Kate was running. Sprinting down the beach as the others surrounded Charlie and Sayid. She couldn't see Jack, so she stopped outside the circle, panic rising in her.

Sayid broke away from the group, his face grim as he stood in front of her.

"Where is he?" she whispered, tears already forming in her eyes.

Sayid answered quietly, still out of breath. "We-that thing was chasing us. Charlie, he fell. And Jack went back, but he was behind us. It-it took him. We went back, but he…he was gone."

Kate shook her head slowly, a sob escaping her. "No…"

"I'm so sorry," Sayid said, his eyes dark.

"No," she repeated, barely registering as Sun came up to her, wrapping her small arms around her. She let go, sobbing into Sun's shoulder as reality hit her.

He was gone.

He had now missed three sunsets. She had missed two. After that night, she didn't go back. As the sky began to turn dark, she retreated to her tent, closing her eyes against the colors.

It wasn't beautiful anymore.

Everyone tried to help her, comfort her. They knew what she and Jack had, even if they had denied it themselves.

And she had denied it.

Maybe she admitted it to herself, but she ignored it on the outside. Ignored the sidelong glances, stolen moments, and private smiles. She was only doing what she had to. She couldn't pull him into her screwed up world.

But now, she regretted not doing something. Now she would never have another chance.

She had made a mistake again.

It was sunset again and she was in her tent, eyes closed as they refused the light. She was trying to sleep, but she hadn't really. Not since the night he hadn't come back.

Sounds outside caught her ears, a flurry of movement. But her eyes stayed shut, writing it off as Vincent running around.

But then the shouts came. She panicked for a minute, hand reaching toward her bag. And the gun she kept there.

But then laughter came, and the voices sounded happier. Confused, she let her hand fall as she got up. Slowly, she walked out of the tent.

A group of people was standing around something, voices raised happily. She stayed near her tent, watching them. After a few moments they began to part, letting her see what was there.

And her breath stopped.

Jack. He was there, walking toward her. He looked undoubtedly tired, his shoulders sinking a little, dark circles under his eyes. But he was there.

She couldn't move, instead watching, not breathing as he stopped in front of her.

"Jack," she sighed, a tear escaping her eye.

He smiled a little and answered simply. "I promised you."

She let out the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. He reached forward, grabbing her hand and pulling her down a path into the jungle.

"Jack?" she asked, confused as to why he would be pulling her towards the caves.

He didn't answer, only kept tugging her along, not looking back. Finally, he stopped and she looked around, catching her bearings. They were in a small clearing, halfway between the caves and the beach.

"Jack?" she tried again.

But he cut her off, stepping toward her and kissing her. His lips were soft on hers, almost hesitant. As if he was afraid she was going to pull away. But she didn't, instead wrapping her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.

He groaned, deep in his throat, a hand coming up to cradle her face. The other fell to her waist, holding her close to him.

Soon, the need for air became too much and they broke away, gasping. He rested his forehead against hers, a smile threatening to break out onto his face.

She closed her eyes, letting herself go. Opening them again, she caught him staring at her, studying her face.

"I want this," he said quietly and as always his honesty hit her hard. He was always good at saying what he thought, unlike her.

She looked into his eyes for a moment, waiting for the fear to rise. But it didn't. The only thing she felt was something she hadn't felt in years.

Hope.

Smiling a little she answered him softly. "So do I."

He grinned and she laughed at the look on his face. But he cut her off again, lips pressed firmly against hers.

After all that happened, she knew this was right. She could survive all this.

But if she was going to survive, she was going to live.

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**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. nobody reviews my writing. i always get like 5 reviews if im lucky. anyway, thanks and i promise ill write better jate in the future.**


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